Author's note: This is fragmented, without any real plot. The lyrics
scattered in between are from Evanscence's "My Immortal." Feedback is
[Insert disclaimer here]
It can surprise you, captivate you, and overwhelm you
it can change
you, and it changed me. I was a different person before I met you. I'm a
different person when I'm with you. Has it always been this way? I find
myself wondering, remembering. There was something there something
instantaneous something words could not explain. Something I wasn't
ready to face. So I ignored it, tried to rationalize it away. How I could
have thought it possible, I don't know.
But I did, and I tried. I thought that if I fought hard enough, I would
forget. But I didn't; I can't.
"Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away all the sanity in me."
It's a gift. A gift you have given me, initially, I think, without even
knowing it. I wonder if you realize just how vulnerable that makes me. You
must. I feel your eyes on me, but you're not here. You're not here
anymore. So why am I feeling your presence so strongly?
"If you have to leave, I wish that you would just leave.
Cause your presence still lingers here, and it won't leave me alone."
I tried to tell myself I could do it, that I was strong enough to get
through it. But letting go of you is the most painful thing I have had to
do. I've lost before, people I've cared about are no longer in my life,
and it hurts but the pain of their loss doesn't compare to this numbing
realization that you are not here for me to talk to and lean on. It is a
cliché, certainly, and I'm sure you would tell me that it isn't true. But
it is I need you. In more ways than I know the words to say.
"When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears."
When you hurt, I hurt with you. When you slipped away, all I wanted was to
hold on. I wanted to call back the smile in your eyes, to see them light
up again, and I know I succeeded. I know I did, at least most of the
times. But in the end, it didn't matter. In the end, I am the one crying.
And you're not here to take my pain away. I wish you were here, because I
need someone to hold on to.
"These wounds won't seem to heal,
this pain is just too real."
You made me look at life differently and captivated with your energy. I
was helpless against you it was just a matter of time before I had to
give in. I know that now, and I would not change those moments for
anything. I feel blessed to have shared this time with you no matter how
short it turned out to be and to have learned that no matter how
complicated, love is always worth it.