”Choices II” – first person piece; Deanna’s POV

Author Pia Pedersen

Summary: Deanna reflects on hers and Will’s choices, and on the consequences they bear.

Disclaimer: It’s not mine; it never was, and it never will be.

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He does not speak to me anymore.

I can no longer reach his thoughts with mine.

His mind is closed – even to me.

Especially to me.

What is he feeling?

What are his thoughts, his fears?

I used to know; he used to tell me.

But he does not come to me.

He does not need me.

Not anymore.

He will call out for someone tonight – but it will not be for me.

He speaks my name softly, and I turn to him.

The lift stops; I step outside into the corridor.

All I want is to stay in there; stay with him.

But I can’t.

Worf is here, but I do not see him.

All I see is Will.

What ever it was he wanted to say I know I will not get to hear it.

Not now, maybe not ever.

Someone will hold him tonight – but it will not be me.

He is mine no longer.

I will always love him.

But it does not matter.

Not anymore.

Unless we choose to break down the walls between us …

Do I dare risk it?

Dare I not?

“It can wait,” he says.

And he is smiling.

I feel my spirit shatter into a million pieces.

‘How long, Imzadi? How long?’

But he does not hear it.

He does not know.

And he will never see the tears I cry.

I will never let him.

I made my choice – and I chose another.

I will never again feel his touch.

Never see the passion in his eyes, only for me.

Someone will hold me tonight – but it will not be him.

Never again …

Except in my dreams.

[-end-]