”Choices” – first person piece; Will’s POV

Author Pia Pedersen

Summary: Will reflects on his and Deanna’s choices, and on the consequences they bear.

Disclaimer: It’s not mine; it never was, and it never will be.

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“Hi.”

I smile back at her, returning the greeting as she steps into the turbo lift.

Her eyes shine - but not for me.

Never again will I be able to look into her eyes and know that they shine only for me.

She is mine no longer.

The admission is painful; I always had hope – I put my trust in fate, in Imzadi.

’Imzadi is forever’, I told myself, ‘she will return to me.’

But she won’t, I know that now.

I see it in her eyes.

She is in love – but not with me.

We exchange no words, for I am afraid that if I spoke, she would know.

I smile only to hide the pain.

She would know my heart is breaking … if I spoke.

So I keep silent.

I keep silent, when I should tell her I love her – tell her that my life is worth nothing if she is not in it. 

I should tell her, but I won’t.

 I can’t.

Not anymore.

She made her choice, and she chose another.

So I smile and act like my world is not crumbling.

She is my Imzadi.

I love her.

But she will never know.

Unless I choose to break down the walls between us …

 But dare I risk it?

I look at her, and my heart aches.

Dare I not?

“Deanna …”

She turns to me, nodding.

The lift stops; he is there.

“Will?”

“It can wait,” I say.

And I smile; still I smile.

Will the pain go on and on?

It can wait … 

That was my choice – to wait.

I waited; but I waited too long.

And now she is gone.

[-end-]