Rated: R (content..just to be safe)
BEAT RED
“Captain Riker are you all right?” Geordi asked the Captain of the USS Titan who was sitting numbly in ten-forward staring down at his drink.
“Uh?” Riker suddenly looked up as if he were startled by his old friends voice.
“Hey.” Geordi nervously laughed. “It’s me…are you all right?”
“Yeah…no…. Hell, I don’t know, Geordi.” Riker exhaled as he quickly downed his water logged drink, making a sour face as he swallowed.
“You seem to be light years away.”
“It may be better if I was.”
“How so?”
“Geordi…” Riker began and then as if he changed his mind, his mouth clamped shut and he glanced down at the table shaking his head. “Have a seat.” Riker gestured with a wave of his arm.
“What’s on your mind?” Geordi asked as he sat down at the table.
“Nothing.” Riker lied.
“You don’t think I’d understand do you?”
“It’s not that you wouldn’t understand…. Geordi it’s just that…..”
“Women problems?”
“Geordi, I’m married now.” Riker rolled his eyes.
“Well the only time I’ve seen you like this, it’s when you’ve had women problems.”
“Okay, it’s something like that.” He stated almost embarrassed to admit it.
“It’s Ensign Williams isn’t it? The one with the big boobs and the small brain?” Geordi smiled at his little joke.
Riker returned his smile with a lopsided grin. Riker knew that there wasn’t an Ensign Williams on the ship and the lame remark was Geordi’s attempt to get him to relax.
“It’s…It’s…” Riker began. “Oh hell, Geordi. It’s Deanna all right.” He quickly blurted out in a whisper.
“The Counselor?” Geordi asked with amazement. “She’s not pregnant again is she?”
“No.”
You mean you and she…you’re not?” Geordi continued to guess as he intertwined his finger together in an unmistakable gesture meaning they were fighting.
“No…no we’re not bickering, no arguments nothing like that. Hell, that would be easy.”
“So what’s the problem? I mean the two of you are a couple and you’re best friends and you appear to be happily married…you are happy aren’t you?”
“Oh yeah, I’m happy. Deanna’s perfect.” Riker shifted in his chair and his face twisted and he made a wincing sound as if he were in pain.
“Is there another woman?” Geordi asked ignoring the look of discomfort on his friend’s face.
“No. Hell no.” The Captain of the USS Titan appeared appalled at the suggestion of him cheating on his wife.
“Another man?"
“No nothing like that.” Riker lifted up his glass towards the bartender motioning for another drink. He shifted in his chair slightly and winced in pain again as he adjusted himself in his chair.
“You okay?”
“Yeah I’m fine. The chairs get hard after awhile.”
“The chairs are padded with plenty of cushion. I’d call them plush, wouldn’t you?” Geordi didn’t believe it for a minute and Riker knew it.
“Geordi, what’s a healthy sex life?” Riker asked the question before he realized what he had said.
“Hell if I know.” Geordi laughed as the thought of his dating experiences
flashed quickly across his mind. “You’re talking to Geordi remember?
The last time I revved up a lady’s engine….” He paused as if
he were remembering. “Oh yeah, I remember her name it
was…. The Enterprise.”
Riker smiled and waved to the bartender to bring another round of drinks, afraid that he hadn’t seen him the first time. After nodding back at the bartender he turned it attention towards Geordi.
“The two of you aren’t having any problems in that area are you?” Geordi asked.
Riker blushed slightly not really sure he wanted to pursue the conversation any further or not. He studied Geordi for a long moment, and then finally decided what the hell and he continue. “No not at all it’s great…it’s just that.”
“Yeah?”
“Deanna’s in the phase.”
“The what?”
“It’s a phase Deanna warned me about years ago. You see all Betazoid women go through it, and their sex drive quadruples.”
“Quadruples?” Geordi repeated in amazement.
“Or more.” Riker stated soberly.
“Or more?” Riker felt as if Geordi’s eyes were going to pop out of his head at any moment. “It’s that more that’s killing me.”
“You did say she warned you?”
“Oh yeah she warned me all right, but I was young and eager, hell more than eager and thought…. I can handle it, never really gave it a second thought. Too much testosterone and not enough brains I guess.”
“You are handling it aren’t you?” Geordi asked not wanting to get too personal.
“Oh yeah, I can stay in the race, physically, mentally and performance wise it’s fine. That’s not it.”
“Well, then…. I’m sorry but I don’t understand.”
“It’s getting sore.” Riker stated under his breath, hoping silently that his friend didn’t hear him.
“What…? Did you say...Sore?”
Riker suddenly exploded in a whisper. “Yes, and if you repeat a word of this….”
“Well, I’ll be damn.” Geordi sat back in his cushioned chair once again.
“It’s red as a beet Geordi…. Too much friction and too much action.”
“Friction?” Geordi couldn’t hide the smile that was now beginning to spread across his face.
“Geordi, I’m not talking once a day…. Or even twice. I’m talking ten to fifteen times a day, plus all nightlong.”
Geordi let out a whistle of amazement.
“And it’s been this way for the last four months.” He whispered across the table making sure no one overheard the private conversation.
Geordi remained silent and leaned forward and listened in amazement.
“When I was younger I used to think that if I didn’t have sex on
a regular basis it would back up and I’d die from pneumonia…and now
the damn things got a red
nose and a fever…. And using it too much is killing me.”
“Yeah, but what a way to die.”
“Hell, it hurts when I touch it. This damn tight uniform is killing me.”
“Will, maybe you should see the Doctor.”
“Beverly? Like hell I will, she’s the last one I want to know about this.”
“Yeah, I see your point.”
“If I tell Deanna no. If I refuse her…. She’ll take it personal and be devastated. I can’t do that.”
“Maybe if you explain…”
“What? Explain that little Willie is inflamed and has a sinus headache.”
Geordi could no longer hide his smile or his laughter; Riker glared at him in fury.
“I’m sorry Captain…I really am. I don’t mean to laugh….It’s just that….”
[[Troi to Captain Riker]] Riker inhaled and exhaled and rolled his eyes before
he tapped the badge on his uniform.
[[Yeah, Deanna…. go ahead]]
[[Could I see you in my office, Captain?]]
[[On my way. Riker out.]]
Will quickly downed his drink and slowly stood to his feet, tugging on his
uniform pant’s leg he winced in
pain.
“She wouldn’t… In her office would she?” Geordi asked.
“Do I look like I need therapy, Geordi? Of course she would….”
Geordi watched as Riker straddled bow legged as he exited out of ten-forward and he couldn’t hide the huge grin that was now spanning across his face. “Yep, give him a week he’ll be in Beverly’s sickbay.” Geordi stated to no one.
______
“Have a seat on the bio-bed Will.” Beverly instructed, as she walked over towards the tri-corder. “I’ll be with you in a moment.”
“I’d rather not.”
“What?”
“I said.” Riker inhaled deeply. “I’d rather not sit down.”
“You want me to examine you standing up?” Beverly asked confused.
“Yeah.”
“Why don’t you just tell me why you’re here, Will.”
“I can’t.”
“You can’t?”
“It’s personal, Beverly.”
“Too bad. Now lay down, that’s an order.”
Riker winced in pain as he slowly hiked up his leg to sit on the bio-bed, he let out a grunt of pain as he lay flush on the bio-bed.
Quickly recognizing the look of pain on the Captain’s face, Beverly began to run the tri-corder over his long lean body. “By these readings….” Looking sternly at Will she stated, “Will…your….”
“I know!”
“You’re going to have to remove your uniform.”
“No way.”
“Will. No matter what your ego tells you…..I’ve never seen a human male that big….” Beverly stated with a smirk and a grin. “It’s inflamed and apparently swollen. Now if you want any type of medical assistance you’re going to have to take off your pants.”
“That’s the problem. That’s all I’ve been doing is taking off my pants.”
“Let me put it this way, Riker.” Beverly said with a calmness, her calm voice disappeared to that of a battle-axe. “Strip down. That’s an order.”
Riker reluctantly obeyed.
“Looks like we’re going to have to amputate.” Beverly grinned.
Riker snapped. “What are you psychotic? One minute you’ve got these smart ass remarks and then the next you’re in full command mode ordering me around.”
“That wasn’t a smart remark. I never joke about medical procedure, Captain.”
Riker’s eyes widened at the thought.
“Except in cases such as these. I’m kidding.”
“You’re a riot.”
“Although…” Beverly stated thinking a loud. “I don’t think I’ve ever come across a medical injury such as this. You want to tell me what happened?”
“No.”
“Can I guess?”
“Hell no!”
“Deanna’s in the phase?”
“Yeah.” He answered, waiting for the witty remark that he knew would soon follow. When none followed, he asked, “How did you know?”
“She told me.”
“She told you?” Riker asked in puzzlement. “She discussed our sex life with you?”
“I am a doctor.”
“Yeah, Doctor of doom.”
“I heard that…and considering the nature of your grievance…you really can’t afford to be too sassy.”
She did have a point, a scary point.
“Will, I would suggest the next time you use….”
“I know what to use…and because of that fact, it’s sore as hell.” Riker quickly cut her off. “So just save your witty little come back to your self, Doctor. I’m in no mood for it.”
“I know. If you ask me it looks like you’re in the mood for love, because this little guy is suffering from being overworked, an acute case of fatigue, accompanied with a severe diagnosis of exhaustion.”
“I should have never come here.” Riker whispered to himself.
“How long has this been like this?”
“I don’t know.” Riker lied.
“How long, Riker.” Beverly glared.
“I don’t know two….maybe three weeks.”
“What?” Beverly for the first time seemed concerned and shocked. But it was short lived. “Well, it looks like you’ve got a Dead man in the water, Will.”
“That’s it! I’m leaving…” Riker huffed, he would have jumped off of the bio-bed if he’d had his pants on, but the friction of the examining table hurt like hell.
“Okay, I’ll stop.” Beverly chuckled, grabbing his arm stopping his progress. “Now lay down, and I’ll patch the little guy up.”
“Beverly.” Riker cut her off again. “Would you please….stop with the cheap shots?”
“Never. Now relax and I’ll see what I can do to alleviate some of your discomfort.”
“Getting the hell out of her would alleviate a lot of it.” Riker grumbled.
Beverly began to hum “I’m in the mood for love.” as she ran the anti-inflammatory tri-corder over the affected area. If Riker had ever wanted to kill another human being it was now, and he would have gladly done the brig time for murder.
“Would you hurry up. And please stop that damn humming.” Riker lay on his back staring at the ceiling, praying it would be over soon.
“You embarrassed?” Beverly asked never looking up as she continued at her task at hand.
“No. I’m not.” Riker lied. “I just feel kind of brainlessly vulnerable laying here like this.”
“You should, because it takes no brains…..”
“Just fix it.” Riker barked, cutting her off.
“There.” Crusher stated snapping the tri-corder shut. “You best friend is all right now. But I have a feeling he’s not going to stay all right…if you don’t give him a rest.”
“Are you finished?”
“Yeah. You can get dressed now.”
“I’d thank you, but your beside manner is really shitty, you know that?”
“If you think my bedside manner is bad…” Beverly stated with a raised eyebrow, only to finish her sentence with one word that pinched every nerve Riker had, “Wait until you read my medical report….Stud.”
THE END