Deanna paced her quarters not knowing how exactly she had come to that conclusion, but it was the truth, as much as she had tried to deny it to herself. And now, all she needed was to have the guts to walk into his quarters and talk to him. Maybe he'd run away, maybe not. She would never be certain of it until she'd tried. Will would think she'd gone crazy, that was for sure! What if he said no? she hadn't thought of that, things would definitely change between them. No more shore leaves together, or evenings at the holodeck, or intimate dinners. Surely he wouldn't want to hurt her any further. It was a risk she had to take. Checking her look in the mirror, she left her quarters thinking, it's now or never.
-Come- All her determination fell to pieces at hearing his voice. Too late,
the door opened.
-Counselor, what a nice surprise! Is there anything I can do for you?- Ironic, was what she thought.
-Can we talk?- he saw her serious expression.
-Sure, please, come in- Will guided her to his couch and sat down beside her. Deanna didn't speak, she didn't even look at him. -Hey, what is it?- he asked in the soft voice she had hope he wouldn't use and passed his arm around her shoulders pulling her close to him. She was nervous and closed her eyes when he kissed her head. -You can say anything to me, you know that, don't you?-
-I'm sorry, maybe this is not a good idea- she tried to leave but he prevented her from doing so.
-Deanna, you came here to talk about something that's bothering you, just tell me what it is- But still, she remained silent. -OK, let's see... is it about work?- she shook her head no. -Then about one of your patients?- she shook her head again. -Of course, it's not about work... then about Beverly, or the captain, or Dat...- She interrupted by shaking her head once again. -Then it's about your birthday coming next week?- she kind of shook her head. -Because I'm planning a huge celebration with half the crew- she didn't answer so he finally understood that it was something else. -Don't tell me you're worried about getting older... Deanna, you look fantastic!, I bet many women on board would kill to look like you do- Deanna tiredly shook her head again, He turned serious and thought of the only possible thing that could had her in such a mood. -You talked with your mother- she nodded looking sad. Taking her in his arms, Will begun rubbing her back. -Let me guess, you two argued again?-
-Not really- Deanna finally spoke.
-What did she tell you this time?-
Deanna broke apart. -It's not what she told me, it's that for the first time, she's right-
-About what?- Deanna stayed silent for a moment. Then she took a deep breath and looked at him straight in the eye.
-Will, I want to have a baby- She left him so astonished that he had not even been able to think if he had heard what he thought he had heard. -I want to have another baby before it's too late- after what seemed like an eternity, Will reacted.
-Too late?... Deanna as a Betazoid woman, you still have many, many years to have children-
-I know that, but I want them to look like my children not my grandchildren... I want to be able to play with them, to see them grow and to enjoy life with them- he smiled and kissed her head.
-Well I have to admit, there had been times in which I've had those wishes as well- Deanna's spirits soared and she smiled. It wasn't going to be as if jumping into an empty pool after all.
-Will...you're my best friend and one of the two most important people in my life. I want my child to be like you. I can't think of anybody else that I'd rather have a baby with... Would you want to be the father of my baby?-. Now it was Will's time to remain silent the smiled he had before simply vanished. Deanna ploughed on. -We don't have to make love if you don't want to... We could ask Beverly to take a sample of your sperm and inseminate me... she says it´s a very simple procedure, only a small scan that won't hurt at all for you and a shot for me, it wouldn't take us more than five minutes...- Will didn't answer. Instead, he began thinking she'd gone out of her mind. Deanna already had everything planned and she hadn't even asked what he thought about. -I'll understand if you say no...- she said quietly having read his feelings which made him feel guilty, -But anyway, I'm still going to go ahead with it... - They looked up at each other. -Still, if I had my child alone, I know you'll be the closest thing he'll ever have to a father... you don't have to answer me right away, just promise me you'll think over it-. She kissed his cheek in the most softest way, feeling his cold skin, He didn't even blink at her touch. Deanna stood up and went back to her own quarters.
What the hell had happened? He had been enjoying a good book and a fine wine when the door chime called. He had thought it might be Deanna and thought about dinner and a nice company and probably suggesting afterwards going to the arboretum for a walk, but... something had gone wrong. Will thought about what Deanna had just told him. The woman had definitely gone nuts. He stood up and went to take a long warm shower to clear his mind and probably afterwards, go to Ten Forward for a little distraction. Yeah, that would be good... Turning on the hot water, Will let it run all over him. He was beginning to relax when Deanna's words repeated in his mind. I want my baby to be like you. Would you want to be the father of my baby? You'll be the closest thing he'll ever have to a father. Will shook his head violently and got out of the shower, covering his lower body with a towel and went to the mirror. He wiped the vapour from it and came face to face with his own eyes. Leaning both hands on the basin, he began imagining himself with a baby. Helping him take his first steps. Teaching him how to ride a bike and taking him fishing and to play Ambo Jitsu on the bed... He remembered feeling that same way the days after the alien entity had made him live the holographic fantasy of being a father. How happy he'd been at the beginning, despite the initial shock. Happy when he'd believed it was Deanna's child too, and his disappointment when Deanna herself had told him she was not the mother.
Will thought of Deanna. She was his best friend and was for certain, the most important person in his life. They already spent most of their time together, and if he had to choose someone to be the mother of his children, he'd always known she was the only woman he would consider. He knew that she was determined to carry on with her plan, for knew that once Deanna had made up her mind about something, nothing would stop her. He wouldn't forgive himself if he let her go along with the plan by herself at the sperm bank, or even worse, with someone else. The idea of someone else being the father of her child made his knees feel weak.
Deanna threw her pillow away. She shouldn't have told him. She had put him in a very uncomfortable situation, it was obvious he wanted to say no. How could she be so stupid and risk their friendship with such a selfish, immature idea. He must be thinking that she'd gone out of her mind. Maybe she should visit the sperm bank after all, but still didn't like the idea of having a baby with a stranger. Secretly hoping that Will would agree with her, Deanna thought that maybe that way they could begin building a relationship. But now her plans had all gone wrong... Getting out of bed, Deanna went to the replicator to order a double chocolate sundae, with chocolate fudge and chocolate chips. Bowl in hand, she sat on her couch and stared out at the passing stars and as she started eating away her regrets, the tears began to fall.
The door chimed and she summoned the door to open without getting up from the
couch. Without turning way from the stars, Deanna knew it was Will standing
there and wiped her tears away quickly. Coming to sit behind her, he silently
reached around and put the empty bowl on the coffee table. She felt his strong
hand gently placing on her shoulder and a soft white rose caress the side of
her face. She turned around to find herself lost in his warm and smiling eyes.