On the down low
"Listen girl, you want me, but he needs you. Yet you're telling me that everything's cool, trying to convince me, baby, to do as you say...Just go along and see things your way...
Secret lovers is what you want to be. While you're making love to him, girl, you're silently calling on me. What is a man to do in a situation like this? I feel there's something I don't want to miss...
Desperately trying to hurry up and finish the personnel reports in front of her, Deanna Troi said little to her companion, Will Riker. She wanted to get away from him as soon as possible. Or else things will only get worse, she thought. Lately she had been having frequent reaccuring dreams of her Imzadi, and it was beginning to become an issue with her.
Will noticed her silence and took it in offense, "Deanna, you haven't said much since you got here. Is something wrong?"
She continued to focus on the reports, and avoided meeting his eyes. Hell, she wanted to avoid looking at any part of him, period. 'Is something wrong?' Deanna thought sarcastically, Oh no, I'm just having fantasies about my former lover-who happens to be appearing everywhere I go-when I'm seeing someone else. I'm even considering sneeking out on him in the middle of the night, just so I can be with you...even if it means getting caught. There can't be anything wrong with that, can there?
Aloud, she only said, "No. Nothing's wrong. I just-my mind is just on other things, that's all."
And before Deanna knew it, Will reached across the table and took her hand in his. Oh no, her mind screamed, His touch... Images and sensations of the previous night's interlude came flashing back to her. Deanna's eyes went from the padd she had been staring at, to his hand, and inevitably, those eyes of his.
"Okay," he said softly, "but why the cold shoulder? Have I done something?" His gaze was intense.
With her mind and body losing all control, she couldn't take anymore. Deanna abruptly got up and left the Ten-Forward lounge.
"What," Will asked, absolutely shocked, "the hell is a matter with her?"
On her way out, Deanna's thoughts were rampant. What am I going to do? Everytime I get near him, look at him, touch him, I lose it. We decided to be friends. So we're friends. That's why I'm with Worf and not him. It's Worf I'm in love with, not him. I'm sleeping with Worf, not Will. Worf...not Will... She had to keep reminding herself, or else...
As Deanna entered her quarters, the consequences played out in her mind, He could kill Will, maybe even me. It'd destroy his precious honor, and humiliate him amoungst the crew. Now that Deanna had thought about it, the whole scheme was almost arousing. The danger, the risks they'd be taking. She was positive she could get her Imzadi to do anything she wanted. My God!, her better conscious cried. When did I ever get this evil? I'm a logical person...this is not logical! I have morals, values...self-respect! Feelings could get hurt...
Then what kind of counselor would I be? I'd be setting one hell of an example for my patients, should anyone find out. Deanna envisioned herself in a future counseling session, "'I wouldn't recommed you go around sleeping with someone you fantasize about...'"
"'Why not?'" the 'patient' replies, "'You did it!'"
The endless scenes kept playing themselves out in her minds' eye. How could she? Every bit of logic Deanna had left told her the consideration of doing something so diabolical was wrong. But...ultimately, would she?
Ironically, just then, Will walked through the door. He went right to her, took her by the shoulders, and demanded, "What is going on, Deanna?"
She stared at him hopelessly for a few minutes, trying to decide. And then, in a burst of utter spontaneity, she kissed him fiercely, and with eager determination. Will would've protested, but he clearly wasn't in any position to do so. How could she want me? he thought curiously, She has Worf?
His hands made their way from her shoulders, down her arms, and to her back. In the heat of passion, he found himself grasping her closer. Doubt seemed to disappear instantly. Deanna's mouth explored his, feverishly. After awhile, Will pulled back and looked into his Imzadi's gorgeous eyes, all-too-aware of the risk they were about to take.
"Are you sure about this?" he asked breathlessly.
Deanna placed a delicate finger to his lips, smiling mischieviously. "Shh..." she whispered, "I won't tell if you don't."
That was it. All rational thought was gone. "Good idea," he replied, and they went back to their previous exploit.
On The Down-Low, Pt. II
Deanna stretched and rolled on top of her bearded lover. "That was better than what it was ten years ago," Will remarked.
"Well, you know what they say...practice makes perfect."
He put his arms around her and said, "Yeah. You've had that...too bad it wasn't with me."
"It easily could have been."
Riker looked down at her, "Why wasn't it?"
"Duty tends to get in the way of both of our lives. I didn't have the time, and neither did you."
"You have a point," he whispered as he kissed the top of Deanna's head. They lie there for a few moments, enraptured in each other and their re-discovered passion, but it wasn't enough to relieve the hidden issue between them.
Will was the first to break the silence between them. "This isn't right, you know. Worf's bound to find out."
Deanna sighed, "I know. But...I knew this was worth the risk."
Will sat up, "Are you-are we-going to be able to face him? An angry, jealously-sticken Klingon?"
"I'm not sure. I don't think that if he got his hands on us, either would survive."
"I second that." She propped herself up on her elbow on the bed and thought for a minute. Now she was in for it. She knew better than to put herself in this type of position. "Will," she began, "I didn't mean to force you into this..."
He put a finger to her lips, "Shh. You didn't force me into anything. We're both consenting adults here, Deanna. We decided to take the risk, now we're going to have to handle the consequences. Don't you think that I knew what I was getting myself into the minute I kissed you? I know you're worth the risk." She didn't respond immediately. Will already suspected that she was having second thoughts. "Are you trying to tell me you regret coming here tonight?"
Deanna shook her head and put a gentle hand to his face. "No, no. I have no regrets. It's just that..."
He took her hand in his, "If you knew all this, Imzadi-if you still felt this way-than why are you with Worf in the first place?"
She shook her head. "I don't know. I honestly thought that by getting serioiusly involved with Worf, I'd fill that void that you left so long ago."
He came closer to her, and met her gaze. "I take it from this, you haven't had any luck." A grin started to make it's way to Will's bearded face.
Deanna laughed. "I guess that would be obvious, wouldn't it?" She fell back into his embrace and nuzzled against against his chest. "I think I should talk to him first. It'll be easier that way."
Will whispered into her hair, "Are you sure?"
"Well, wouldn't it make more sense for me to tell him about this then you? I mean, he asked you for permission to court me...and you gave it. Now, if you were to face him about this...it's kind of like stabbing him in the back, don't you think?"
He shook his head, "I don't think it matters either way you look at it. It's plain betrayal. Period. We're both screwed in this situation."
"Funny how you put that," she remarked. The truth was that Deanna was growing restless about the whole situation. Now that she had herself locked in a corner, she knew would have to deal with it. She shrugged her shoulders helplessly and said, "I guess I'll try talking to him tomorrow."
"If you have any trouble, just beep me."
She laughed, "Oh yeah, right. Like you'll save me from a raving Klingon."
"I can try, can't I? And if nothing else, at least I'll die fighting for you."
"Just how I want to remember you...fighting for my heart." They both sighed and left the rest of their thoughts for the next day.
"Come in." And right then, the last person she was looking forward to seeing stepped in the door-Worf. "Deanna," he said in that deep, monotone voice of his, "We need to talk."
The statement actually caught her a bit off guard. After all, talking was not one of the things Klingons were better suited for. "Oh, alright Worf." She tried to be as calm as possible, pushing all nervousness out of her mind, "What is it?"
Oh no, Deanna thought horrifed, He knows! She avoided the screams in her head and pushed the issue further, "What about us, Worf?"
He suddenly looked very uncomfortable as his attention went from his hands to the counselor's eyes. "To be frank, I'm having second thoughts about our relationship. It seems very...akward."
She folded her sweating hands in her lap and said, "Akward? How?"
"I don't think we really possess an interest in one another. We are so different."
She nodded, "That is true...about us being different. Really Worf, we could not be any more different. I mean, you're a Klingon, and I'm..." For a moment she seemed at a lost for words, "and I'm a Betazoid." Deanna inhaled deeply, "We're not exactly what most people would call an ideal match." All the while, she was casual about the conversation, as if he were just another patient...though in her mind, Deanna was seriously trying not to panic and admit to her sins.
All Worf could say was, "No. We are not." The towering man started to pace her office. Obviously there was something he wanted to get off his chest.
"Worf," she said calmly, "I know you came here to tell me something. Come out and say it." He huffed and then looked her straight in the eyes. I wonder if he can see the lies, she thought in an instant. Then Worf began, "Deanna, I have dishonored you."
It was the last thing she ever expected him to say. "What?" "I have betrayed you. While I was on Deep Space Nine, I met someone. Her name is Jadxia Dax." This was an utter shock! Deanna never would have thought Worf would be the one... His strict beliefs in honor, and all that other good Klingon stuff... Worf? Having an affair? Then she realized through all her rationalizing, I'm free! She wouldn't have to confess after all! But then again, she would have to live with the guilt for the rest of her life... Oh well, Deanna thought happily, Small price to pay.
"Oh..." Deanna managed to say.
He sat down next to her, and took her hand in his, "Deanna, I am so sorry. I never meant for this to get out of hand. It was wrong of me...I should have told you sooner. I was just..." He couldn't find the words to finish.
Deanna placed a comforting hand to his, "It's all right, Worf. I understand."
The Klingon looked at her in disbelief, "You do?"
"Why, yes. You are right. We are different, and to be honest, I don't think that we do share a genuine interest in each other. I believe that when we started out, it was that way, but now..." She sighed, "Now, I think that under the circumstances, you are right in what you're doing. You've finally found someone who does have common ground with you. I'm sure she will make you more happy than I ever could."
His eyes told her that he was surprised, but relieved at the same time. Deanna suspected he thought she was going to take it much worse than she was now. "Really Worf," Deanna assured him, "it's okay. I'll be fine."
There were a few minutes of silence between them, and then Worf spoke, "I didn't think you'd understand...but I am wrong to assume such a thing. You must know what it is like to find someone who you believe is your soulmate."
All too well, she thought. "Jadxia is definately that. My only regret is that I could not give you the happiness you deserve." He kissed her on the hand, then stood and left.
With a sigh of relief, Deanna collapsed back on the couch, and said, "WHEW!" Who would've thought things would work out so well?