Author: Deanna K
Disclaimer: Characters, ships, and jargon belong to Paramount. Better In Time was written by Andrea Martin and Jonathan Rotem, performed by Leona Lewis. I adapted the lyrics to fit the scene.
Deanna Troi sat on her bed feeling miserable. She had spent all morning crying, attended some classes, then returned home to find her mother had set her up on a blind date with someone she thought was great. That had only made things worst and she had gone back to her bedroom and locked herself in there, not wanting anyone to talk to her, try to consol her.
It wasnt the first time this had happened. And chances were it would not be the last. She could never forget.
As Deannas best friend, Chandra, celebrated her two year anniversary, happily pregnant with their first child, Deanna sulked. She could never forget the day her best friend got married, the day she met her Imzadi.
It had been two years since she spotted the handsome Will Riker at Chandras wedding and therefore almost two years since he had left her on Betazed with the promise to reunite on Risa. It had been two years and she had not seen him since. She had not heard from him in over a year, not even a few lines over subspace.
Deanna cried harder, wishing they had never formed such a strong, permanent bond. She was hurting and knew she would hurt as long as she was not with him. Did it not hurt him? Did he not feel the bond like she? Did he not feel completely lost and incomplete?
After all, Will Riker was human. Maybe in order for Imzadi to be forever both persons have to be at least part Betazoid. Maybe it had been so easy for him to break his promise and move on because in order for the bond to remain they needed to have stayed together. Maybe, just maybe, Imzadi was only for full Betazoids. Maybe she could move on too. Through all her studies she had learned that in order for someone to move on from a loss they needed to want to move on. Maybe she was holding on because she thought the bond was forever. But what if it wasnt, at least not for them?
Deanna needed to move on. She knew this as a fact. She had just been given her new assignment by Starfleet, counsellor on the Federation flagship. It was going to be a high stress job and she needed to be at her best. She couldnt be sulking over a fling that happened two years ago. She needed to move on.
This is it, she said as she pulled out a picture of them from her dresser. The only picture that existed of them. The only tangible proof that they had been in love at some point. It's been the longest two years without you. I didn't know where to turn to. See, somehow I can't forget you after all that we've been through. Tears began falling once more as she began sobbing once more.
If you didn't notice you mean everything! she almost yelled at the picture, her red-shot eyes not able to contain any tears. Deanna wasnt even attempting to control them. She was angry, angry at how he could move on so quickly. She let out all her anger on this photograph, wondering why she had never done so before.
Quickly I'm learning to love again, she told the picture, deciding she would go on the blind date her mother had set up. All I know is I'm gonna be OK. I couldn't go anywhere we went to without something there to remind me. Was it all that easy to just put aside your feelings?! You hurt my feelings but I know that time will heal them.
She fell onto her knees on the floor, her trembling hands causing creases on the photograph, as she wept uncontrollably. She was trying to move on, but somehow she felt her heart wasnt letting her. She needed to win the battle between her feelings and her heart so she told the photograph once more,
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything to me! She remained on the floor for a long time, just thinking and trying to make herself move on. She kept reminding herself that she needed to. After what seemed like several hours to her, she stopped weeping and her body stopped trembling. She was calm once again and she told herself that it was over.
All I know is I'm gonna be OK, she told the picture. Since there's no more you and me, It's time I let you go so I can be free and live my life how it should be. No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you. Yes I will! I thought I couldn't live without you. It's gonna hurt when it heals too. It'll all get better in time. And even though I really love you I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to. It'll all get better in time.
She stood from the floor and headed to the small trash can next to her desk but she couldnt make herself toss the picture. Instead, she put it back in her dresser drawer, at the very back and under all her socks. She was not taking that picture with her when she left in two weeks. She was going to the Enterprise a new woman, one free from such silly emotional baggage. She would move on just as he had and find someone to love. Someone that would love her more than their career. Someone who could maybe be a true Imzadi to her. Fate would put the right man in her path.
In two weeks, her life would be different and free of any thoughts of one William Riker.