by Carol Sandford
Rated: NC 17
Disclaimer: I'm with Tracy on this one...sigh...
Be warned, it has rude words in it, and explicit sex, so, enjoy! :D
She sat beside me, systematically putting popcorn into her mouth. She
was relaxed, the most relaxed Id seen her for a long, long time. In
fact, I can remember the last time I had seen her this way. It was when
we had a chill out night once before, and it wasnt so long ago.
I watched her from the corner of my eye as she seemingly stared at the
vidiscreen in front of her. Shed chosen the movie, and I was happy to
go along with the mushy crap that shed chosen, simply because she was
Deanna, and because Id known, eventually, she would tell me what was
on her mind.
Well, I knew what was on her mind. Ben. Deanna had been dating
Lieutenant Benjamin Hayden for a while. Not too long, just long enough
to actually consider it, a relationship, and not, a fling, a word
which Deanna detested.
She grinned at me as she reached out for her glass, sipping at the
turquoise concoction that smelt as sickly as it looked. But Deanna
liked it, and, I must admit, I quite liked the taste that was left on
her lips, a mixture of coconut, rum and her. I remember wondering at
the time what her tongue would taste like - if I got beyond her lips.
Maybe one day Ill find out, and I wondered if maybe I dared ventured
When shed arrived at my quarters at 19.00 hours, Id opened the
to a woman that was in bad need of venting. I let her have that. I let
her rant, rave, curse, cry, and finally accept that she was who she
was; Deanna Troi, Counselor to many. Friend to all. Lover to none.
Well, not any more.
And then there was me.
But sitting here watching her relax after her tantrum, I begun to
wonder just where I did fit in. I know Im her friend. Im that for
always. It goes hand in hand with being Imzadi. But sometimes, I see
her look at me and want more. Sometimes I see her and see nothing more
than the friend.
And then there are occasions like tonight, when she sits beside me on
my sofa, and for all appearances, we could be an old married couple,
especially when she snuggles up against my chest, like she did a short
while ago when a particular part in the movie got even more slushier
and erotic and I realised that she didnt want me to see her face as
it reacted to the images on the screen.
But then I didnt need to see her face. Just feeling her melt against
me was enough. Just sniffing in that unmistakable scent of arousal was
equally telling. I think if Id have slipped my hand down from her
shoulder onto her chest, she would have let me caress her. And I think
if Id have pulled her onto my lap. I could have probably made quiet,
sensuous love to her.
But I didnt. Thats me. Idiot that I am. But then she is my friend,
and tonight she needed a friend, not a complication.
I moved over to accommodate her feet as she settled herself further
into the corner of the sofa, swinging her slim legs off the floor and
under her own thighs, her eyes barely moving away from the screen. But
I wasnt watching the movie at all. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted
to get get deep inside her head and analyse her problems. I wanted her
to open up to me and let me in, where I belong.
Since wed boarded the Enterprise and settled on the relationship we
have now, I have often felt like I was sitting on the edge of a
swimming pool, waiting for an invitation to dive in, balancing on the
thin edge, wobbling. Afraid. I hated being scared of Deanna. But the
truth of it, I was. Am. I wanted to dip my toes in the water so many
times, just to test how far I could go before being drowned. Or worse.
But something always held me back. Something always told me Id be
making a mistake if I tried.
So I never did. Ive got too much to lose.
She looked uncomfortable, sitting there, all hunched up. I could sense
her dilemma; her need to move her stiffening legs against making
herself look daft at squirming around yet again in her quest to get
comfortable. So I took the bull by the horns, grabbed her feet and
pulled them out from under her.
Her startled, half-hearted protest was soon squashed as I placed her
feet against my thigh and held them there, "Thanks," she grinned, "I
was kinda getting uncomfortable."
"No problem," I murmured, intensely aware of the surprise affect
having her nylon clad feet upon me, the heat already permeating through
the soft fabric of my pants.
We settled down again, my hand resting comfortably upon her ankle, the
natural curvature around it helping stop my intense need to stroke it.
But then she suddenly pulled her foot up and lay it on top of my
thighs, stretching her knees.
Close. Too close. I silently groaned. I could feel her foots heat
against my tightening loins, and I found myself clamping the tiny ankle
and moving it further away, just a fraction or two. Just far enough
away for the heat to die.
But it didnt because shed decided to raise her other knee up,
shifting the soft fabric away from her thighs, giving me not only a
glimpse of a lacy stocking top, but a generous helping of a soft creamy
hip. I felt the breath whoosh out of my lungs, stick in my throat and
threaten to strangle me. I had to get out of this predicament, now,
before I did something incredibly stupid.
It took a gargantuan effort to pull her eyes away from the screen and
force myself to not look down as I spoke to her, suddenly realising
that I would cheerfully die on the spot just for one glance at what lay
beyond the creamy skin, not that I dont remember from our time in the
But that was then, and this was now. Then I was a jock, and now I was
a...man. Back then she was little more than a girl, and now...now she
was an incredible woman, and I wondered if making love to her now would
be different - for both of us.
A vision filled my head, right then, right at that moment, and I failed
in my effort to not look, catching sight of a tiny piece of black satin
before rapidly raising my eyes again to her face, which now held a
mixture of bemusement and embarrassment. Her very subtle hand movement
to her hem, moving it to recover her modesty was mutually ignored by
both of us.
"So, what are you going to do about Ben?" I asked, purely for want
something to say and the need to take my mind away from...other things.
Her soulful eyes studied mine for a moment, before she delicately
shrugged and said, "Nothing. Its over." But the way she dropped her
eyes away from mine in an attempt to hide her pain told me a whole
different story. I didnt need to see how much she was hurting. Id
seen in the tantrum shed thrown when shed arrived here. Id seen in
the tears that had fallen like a waterfall from her beautiful eyes. And
Id seen her soul as shed unwillingly revealed it to me in her
weakest moment; the moment that Id pulled her into my arms and
absorbed her loss.
But that had been then. This was now, and now she was trying to put it
behind her. Make light of a bad situation. Pull the wool over her own
eyes and let the pretence begin. But when she suddenly swung her feet
to the floor, switch of the vidiscreen, and high-tail it into my
bathroom, I followed her, stopping the doors automatic closure with
She began to run the faucet, and splash the cold water upon her face. I
knew it was to mask the tears that had sprouted again. I wasnt stupid.
I knew she was hurting still. She would always hurt. Its not fun
being kicked in the nuts time and time again. I should know, mine are
still swollen from my last encounter with the female of the species.
But damn it all, this is Deanna, and I resent her hurting from some
other guys carelessness of her feelings. Id always considered that I
had the monopoly on that. I wasnt proud of it, but then I was young.
And stupid. Incredibly fucking stupid.
Nope, if she was going to get mopey about another guy, then it was time
she heard a few choice things about herself, and I considered me to be
the one to tell her.
"Youre a fake, Deanna Troi."
That made her stop, bringing her face up to look into the mirror, her
startled eyes meeting mine. Another time I would have laughed. She was
dripping wet, her eyes, just as I suspected were already turning red
and swollen from the scalding tears that mingled in with the water
"What!?" she said, incredulously.
"Youre a fake," I repeated, feeling a thickness fill the air
new to both of us. The accusation clearly stung her because
unbelievably, she began to cry harder, clinging to the vanitys edge,
her fingers white with tension. But even so, her eyes never left mine.
I felt my feet move towards her without realizing that that was my
intention. But then the need to comfort her always preceded everything
else. I felt her tense as I moved my arms around her and for a very
brief moment I thought she was going to fight me off. But my eyes,
still held by hers in the mirror must have stilled the demon in her
because she didnt move. She didnt relax her tension, but she didnt
I dropped my mouth to her crown and kissed her head, drinking in the
flowery essence of her shampoo along with the natural smell of her - it
was just as intoxicating, and I had to stop the flare of desire from
surging through my body. Now was not the time to prove a point that she
wanted me as much as wanted her. I hoped.
I met her eyes again as I straightened up, my arms completely enfolding
her. I felt comforted that she clung to my forearms, her long,
pearly-pink nails, stark against my brown skin. At least it told me
that she wasnt as pissed off as I thought. Deanna Troi didnt like to
be told that she was something that she was, which I guess really gave
away her inner torment.
I thought Id try apologizing. "Im sorry, I shouldnt
have said that.
It was inappropriate."
"For what?" she asked, her voice, clogged with tears.
"For the time. I shouldnt knock you while youre already down.
dont need to hear criticism when you obviously need comfort. I had no
right." I said, and meaning it.
"Its alright," she murmured, "I understand your reasoning
for it. I
know youre only trying to help - to make me see that my relationship
with Ben was shallow, and never likely to progress beyond what it
already had." She paused as she considered what Id said. "But why do
you consider me a fake, Will?"
I moved my hands up to her shoulders, kneading away the tension that I
felt beneath my fingertips. "Because," I whispered, "I know that
underneath that cool facade is woman who is in terrible pain, but is
too afraid to admit it. I see you hurting for a man that does not
deserve your pain. I see a woman who will walk onto that bridge
tomorrow morning for her shift and act as though nothing is wrong even
though you are dying inside."
I watch as she absorbs my words. I watch her throat move as she
swallows the lump that has reformed again, the truth bringing on
another wave of inevitable tears - tears that she needs to shed to
cleanse her heart. But I want these tears to be for her this time, and
not for him.
"Do you love him?" I ask. I can feel my heartbeat begin to pound
chest as I wait for her answer.
"Dont you think you would know if I did, Will? I can never keep
anything from you." And then she frowned, her head tipping to one side
as she pondered her own question, which completely threw me. "Why, do
you love me?"
I had to make light of it, I just had to, for both our sakes. And then
I retracted that thought. Honesty was the key here, and a chance. "Ive
loved you for years. Forever, actually." And I couldnt resist dropping
my mouth to the soft curve of her throat, and my heart soared when she
moved her head aside to accommodate me.
"I do always seem to end up here, with you, dont I?" She said,
matter-of-factly, as though finally realising the truth was simplicity
in itself. "Youre always here for me. I tell you things that I tell no
other, and you see me. The real me."
I dared to ask. "Do you love me?" The heartbeats stopped as I waited
for her answer.
"What do you think, Will Riker?" she giggled as I nuzzled her earlobe,
"Even when I was...with Ben, you were always there, in my head, getting
in the way. Or giving me advice, or telling me off for being silly."
"You still havent answered my question." I say, with a teasing
which emits another giggle from her.
"Im obsessed with you." The humour taking the sincerity from
words, but even so, I see behind the humour and take the words for what
they are; an honest, but lightened account of her feelings for me, and
my soul soars along with my loins, the revelation bringing forth a
powerful ego boost to my libido, finally allowing it to emerge without
"Good," I crow, not quite believing how things have escalated in
short time that shed been in my quarters. I figured it was now or
never. I figured that if she was letting me splatter tiny kisses over
her neck and ears, that maybe, just maybe I could a little further.
Only one way to find out.
My lips searched for hers and found them. Actually, I think hers were
searching for mine, because when I found hers, they were already apart,
and waiting. Her eyes had already fluttered closed. I saw them go when
I touched her ear a few moments ago.
I felt her subsequent sigh along with the heavy sigh of contentment her
whole body seemed to take when my mouth finally covered hers. Oh, God,
she tasted exactly how I wanted her to; Of coconuts, and rum, and
something else. Something sweeter. Something infinitely more precious.
I tested the tip of my tongue against hers and found no resistance. I
nearly died when it touched hers, the taste of her exploding against my
own sensitive taste buds. Oh, God, I moan silently, before we both gave
in and let our mouths do what our bodies wanted.
It was the next logical step. A step we had to take, even if it was
just for old times sake. I wanted it as much as she. More maybe. It had
been a while since Id got laid, whereas she...well, I deliberately
scrapped that image from my head before it even arrived. I didnt want
to think of her doing that with someone else, while I was about to go
the same route.
Only there was a difference with me. I loved her. With all my heart.
But then I guess I should thank Ben. because without him being a jerk,
Deanna wouldn't have come to me. I wonder what made it different this
time? Perhaps I was just feeling hornier than usual. Perhaps she was.
I dunno, but Im not going to complain.
I felt my hands begin to wander, but felt no resistance. I dared to go
bolder, just lightly brushing finger tips across her body. She was
exquisite. Admiring her form from a distance always warmed my blood,
but touching her - like this - just made me burn, deep down inside. I
had to try for more, even though I had a constant niggle at the back of
my brain, whispering, *Shes gonna freak it out any minute now*
But she didnt. Not even when I traced a path around her nipples that
tried in vain to come through her clothing. Nor did she when I pinched
each firm tip, emitting a gasp of stunned desire from deep in her
throat as she continued to dance with my tongue.
And nor did she when I dropped my hands lower and lifted her skirt,
finding that creamy patch of thigh that Id spied earlier. And I just
had to dare to try out for the black satin panties, and when I did I
found them damp. Upon my touch, Deanna ripped her mouth away from
mine, her moan pleading for more.
More what? I wondered. Was she inviting me to take her? Here? Now? I
had only one way to find out. I slipped my fingers beneath the satin,
seeking out the waiting bud, already engorged from need, and as I
circled it with my thumb, I slipped my fingers into the dewy folds.
cupping her mound, the soft downy hair covering her, slick with
moisture. She moved her legs apart, and I touched deeper still. So hot,
so ready. All I needed to do was slip inside her and wed both find
what we were searching for.
I felt her begin to tremble, her breathing becoming as erratic as my
own, my own arousal began to hurt, needing freedom; to get out and
explore long lost treasures. I didnt deny it any longer. Reaching
down, I freed it from its confines and immediately it sought home.
Deanna must have felt it against her backside because she squirmed
against me, her hands already finding the edge of the unit before her,
nudging me back some so that she could bend over, her hips swaying with
invitation, sending the scent of her arousal to my nostrils, making me
But I didnt want to enter her yet. I had things to see. Things to do.
It had been a long, long time since Id first been intimate with Deanna
Troi, and I wanted to familiarize myself with her body, and I knew that
once Id made love to her, I might lose the opportunity to see it
Bunching the skirt up to her waist, holding the fabric in place with
not-so-steady hands, I devoured the sight before me. A tiny black
triangle of satin encased her perfect derriere, and I couldnt resist
releasing a hand and running my fingers over the smooth material,
emitting a shudder from Deanna, her buttocks clenching with the effect
that my touch was having.
I moved closer and allowed my pulsing member to experience the same
thing. It was a totally different sensation, maybe it was because it
was so close to home. So close to heaven. Just so close to feeling
something that it had waited a decade to feel again. Maybe it was
because love now came into the equation, and part of that love was the
intimacy that made everything, so right.
I smiled when Deannas hand reached back and pulled aside the panties
and encouraged me to continue its exploration. Time for a tease, I
"But Im not ready yet," I say, trying to inflict that lost
look into my tone. I fail miserably when she meets my eyes in the
mirror, laughter lighting up her features. That was until she dropped
her eyes again and spoke.
"Will, you were born ready. Now for Gods sake, fuck me, will you?"
Well, that took the wind out of my sails, I can tell you. Profanity,
from Deanna Troi!? But even so, I found myself manoeuvring my stiff
member towards her waiting entrance, made easier from the slick dewy
moisture that my own body released along with hers. "Pick that up from
your last squeeze, did you?" I ask, and then suddenly wondered why,
because I didnt want to hear her reply.
I felt her stiffen, waiting with anticipation as I began to nudge
inside her heat. Her voice changed as she answered me. "No, I just want
you, Will. All of you, and youre playing with me. Were too old for
games, and I want to get laid, by you."
What about Ben?" I ask, cringing as I did so, feeling myself getting
deeper and deeper inside her, feeling her tighten about me, adjusting
herself to my size, which I might add, is considerably larger than when
we had our first fuck. But even so, its still not deep enough, and I
push down upon her shoulder blades, and she obliges by stooping lower,
her legs opening wider.
Oh, God, I almost died as I made that one, final, last plunge into her
depths, my breath coming out in raspy, awestruck gasps along with hers.
I began to move slowly; rocking back and forth, each time, sure that I
was losing myself.
I guess she remembered that Id asked her a question even though with
the euphoria of the moment Id forgotten about it, and now I wish shed
forgotten about it too.
"You care how I feel about him?"
"Because I never really cared who you slept with, it just used to
rattle me that you might have had feelings for them. Him"
And of course I got the answer that I didnt want to hear. "Of course
cared, Will. I cant make love without some form of attachment. It just
isnt me. Of all people, You should know that." She protested.
Of course I did. "I know, Babe. Im sorry I even asked." I submitted,
pulling at her arms so that she was flush against my body. Kissing the
top of her head again, my eyes met hers, and I was happy to see that
she was smiling at me. Forgiven again.
And then I decided that the woman I loved deserved a more romantic
setting for our reunion than a poky Starship bathroom, especially when
I realized that my member had gone a tad flaccid when those nasty
suspicions had filled my head.
Deanna shrieked with delighted surprise when I swung her up into my
arms and headed for the bedroom. But she soon went silent when I kissed
her, hoping and praying that I knew my way from my bathroom to my bed
blindfolded, because that was what I was doing.
By the time wed successfully reached the bed without mishap, Deanna
was clinging to me as though I was about to run. I lay atop of the
coverlet and quickly pulled off my clothes, my eyes never leaving her
face. She watched me as I fell on all fours and crawled towards her
open legs, the triangle of black satin, stark against her pale skin.
I guessed she thought I would climb right over the top of her and
resume what we had been doing before. But instead I found myself
nuzzling that piece of satin with my nose, wallowing in its scent, its
texture and what lay beyond.
She giggled as I attempted to suck the aromatic moisture from the
material, and I chuckled along with her, relieved that laughter had
joined our relationship once more. It was good to hear. It was
wonderful to hear. It meant that when all this was over, it wasnt
going to end up in long, deep, heart-felt discussions about us. This.
The future. I wasnt going to allow her to analyse our relationship.
And I wasnt going to let her go, ever again.
But then as soon as that thought entered my mind, the laughter
disappeared. My mouth went still, the panties that I still held firm in
my teeth sprung back against her, but only for a moment. When she
lifted her head and looked down at me, desire surged through us again,
and as I began to move up to rejoin our bodies, I watched as her hand
snaked down and pulled aside the black satin, revealing her sex to me.
It was just as I remembered it, and I dont know why, but it pleased
me no end that she hadnt changed.
I met her body at the same time that our mouths fused together, but Im
sure I heard her whisper, "Fuck me, Imzadi" before I touched her tongue
with mine, and I wondered if I would ever get used to this new,
free-spirited Deanna that lay beneath me, with her ankles knotted
around my waist, pouring everything she possessed into my soul.
I think I will.